Kistler's Thoughts On Life and Stress
Thursday, August 7, 2008 at 05:21PM
A lot of my friends recently have been feeling out of sorts or pressured or really unsure of what to do. They've been confused about themselves and others and where everything is supposed to fit in their lives.
I think about this sometimes too. Some nights it seems to consume me. And then I realize, wait ... what does worrying do to enhance my situation in life?
Nothing.
So chill out. Everyone, seriously, just relax. There is a difference between examining things and taking everything way too seriously. There's a difference between being cautious and letting fear control you. This is why I occasionally kidnap some friends of mine and force them to do silly things with me such as dancing in the rain or driving to Philly at midnight just to eat cheese steaks and then drive back or whatever it is I think about at the time.
A while back, I had a girlfriend who was very cynical about people and life. I'm cynical at times too, don't get me wrong. When you grow up in the D.C. area and then live in New York, yeah, you're going to pick up cynicism and sarcasm pretty easily. But this girl, it was as if she would look for reasons to be angry sometimes. When she didn't like a person, she would look 
for MORE reasons not to like them or more examples of what they did that annoyed her.
And God help me, I started doing the same thing. But that's no way to live life. I'm not saying you aren't allowed to find people annoying. Go ahead. But in the end, ask yourself, how much does this person honestly affect my life? If it's a co-worker and their attitude or idiocy is directly interfering with your job, then do something about it, by all means. But if it's just a classmate or some jerk at the bar, who cares? Four years from now, you won't know them. Why give them so much power? There's so much else on this planet to pay attention to.
If a person is discriminating against you, feel free to tell them to screw off and show them why they're petty. But don't be so eager for a fight, for a chance to prove your worth, that you make things more dramatic and emotionally draining than they need to be. Take a step back from your situation, from your life and look at it from afar. Look at the whole picture. And if this person is honestly not worth the bother, then to Hell with it.
I occasionally get hate mail from people who think I'm an arrogant jerk (which is only half true) and resent the fact that I've been on a couple of DVDs and they haven't, despite the fact that they may know as much or more than me about comics. I read these letters and then I delete them and return to my life. There will always be people who don't like you, there will always be people you don't understand, there will always be situations you don't enjoy. And in some cases, you just have to shrug it off and move on. Believe me, moving on can be far more relaxing and pleasing to your mind and spirit than holding a grudge or thinking about all the ways you can somehow make that enemy realize that you're better than them.
Yes, I know, that doesn't necessarily help against that feeling of floundering, of being lost. I know, some of you find yourselves thinking "Oh my God, I've graduated from college and I don't know what I want to do with my life." Well, okay. So while you're doing your temp job or whatever it is you have to do to stay fed and housed, make sure to take a few minutes every day to think about what you would like to do later on. What makes you happy?
And don't worry, there's no real time limit. If it takes you two or three years to really understand what your drive is, okay. That's two or three years you have to really save up some money and figure things out so that you have a better idea of how to pursue that dream when the time comes.
You think I told myself "Yes, I will become known as a comic book historian and people will e-mail me and call me up to ask my opinions about comics and put me on DVDs"? Hell, I just wanted to talk about the things I enjoyed while I figured out if I really wanted to be a writer or an actor. And I'm still figuring some of that out. But I'm further along in my life and towards my goal now than I was a year ago. And last year I was further towards my loves and my goals than I was a year previously.
No one's asking you to be an overnight success and no one can reasonably expect you to have all the answers. There's always going to be space for risk and improvisation. That's what we call life.
So honestly, relax a little about your job and what you're doing and whether or not you'll be famous. It's good to be dedicated and devoted, but too much energy can lead to being obsessive and burning out. You are allowed to ease up on yourself. You're allowed the occasional break.
I know, I know, easier said than done. I get that. But I think we should all look at ourselves for a moment, look at the sun shining outside the window, take two deep breaths, and maybe think "wow, I'm taking life a little too seriously. The next decision I make will not be the last one I ever make. Mistakes are inevitable. Maybe I should get a cookie and watch a cartoon."
If you need visual aids or something more concrete to relate to, then I suggest you go out and rent the movie Harvey with James Stewart. Hell, just buy it! It's a wonderful film based on a Pulitzer Prize winning play and it is, essentially, a great message about how to live life.
"In this world ... you must be oh, so smart ... or oh, so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me."
Logic and rational fear may guide us but they can not shackle us.
This guy here? Matt Harding? He understands this. I think more of us should follow his example.
Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.
You're upset about something? Shout into a pillow and vent to a friend and then move on. You feel lost? Remember a time you didn't and see if you can't return to that feeling. You don't know what you'll be doing or where you'll even live in two years? Guess what? A lot of other people don't either. It's okay. You want to ask out that girl but are afraid she'll reject you? Hey, there's a fifty-fifty shot she will. But at least then you'll know and you can handle a concrete answer instead of worrying about the what ifs. And a year or two later, when you look back at that time you asked the person out, even if you were rejected, at least you can say, "You know what. At least I had the guts to ask." (Trust me, I wish I'd realized that in high school).
And if you feel like doing something silly such as dancing in the rain or going on a road trip without a map or eating ice cream with cereal and staying up all night with a friend or calling someone you haven't hung out with in years just because ... then what's stopping you? You're not a freak. You're just enjoying yourself. How else should you live life?
I end now with a passage that I have quoted before but is appropriate once again. It's from Warren Ellis's wonderful comic series Transmetropolitan. Specifically, from the main character Spider Jerusalem, who is very much like what Hunter S. Thompson might've been like were he born in the future.
"The future is an inherently good thing, and we move into it one winter at a time. Things get better one winter at a time. So if you're going to celebrate something, then have a drink on this: The world is, generally and on balance, a better place to live this year than it was last year."
We are not alone. And we are allowed to have fun.
Cheers to you all.
- Alan Kistler ...
... is a maniac
MANIAC
on the floor!
Today's Quote: "There's no point in growing up if you can't be childish sometimes!"
The quote from my previous column was originally spoken by Captain James T. Kirk in the famous Star Trek episode "City on the Edge of Forever."
If you wish to read more of my thought/opinions, just click on the link in the table of contents to the left (that's your left, not mine).
Reader Comments (7)
And Jessica, a friend of mine sent it to me. Ain't it just cool?
This was a great read!
Miss u!